Posted in Writing Life

Writing (Or Not)

This has been a rough week. A really, really rough week personally and writing-wise. Writing-wise meaning that it seems like I’ve gotten almost nothing written.

So a quick recap: I’ve been trying to move from Massachusetts to Charlotte, North Carolina. However there have been a number of roadblocks: finding a job when I didn’t live in the city, apartment complexes disappearing off face of the internet, and saving up enough money to pay a whole lot of rent in advance. Then I found the perfect apartment complex and banked more than enough money to pay for a six month lease. This past Thursday, I learned that complex doesn’t lease to someone who doesn’t have a job in Charlotte.

It’s the whole “can’t find a job until I have an apartment but can’t get an apartment until I have a job” problem. Now I’m onto Plan C: apply, apply, apply to jobs until I find one not put off by me living so far away. Add that to the “what am I doing with my life?” panic about a career, and that’s a recipe for one very stressed Sarah.

Stressed Sarah does not write well, if at all.

It’s tough enough for me on a normal day to get my head into a story with the distractions of dogs and family. But when my mind is already crowded with worrying about jobs and moving and everything else, I can’t write. I can’t concentrate long enough to get the words down on the page, and I get frustrated when the word count isn’t rising fast enough. The end result is that I shut off the computer before walking away.

I’ve written my freelance articles this week. No fiction, though. At least no more than a few hundred words a session. It’s better than nothing, I know. That knowledge doesn’t do much to satisfy me.

My best guess is that there’s anxiety at play. Maybe a smattering of depression mixed-in, too. I’ve never been diagnosed with either, but there’s a history of it in my family. I’ll be seeing a doctor on Tuesday to talk about whatever’s going on. Hopefully she’ll an idea on how to get this all straightened out.

After I finish writing this post (the Friday before it goes up), I’m going to open up a short story on the computer and just start plugging away at it. I want five hundred words, but I’ll settle for half that.

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